


Matchmaking

by Awesome_Sauce432



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Conclusion To Mutual Pining, F/F, Fjord Cannot Deal With Romantic Tension And Enlists All His Friends To Save Him, Fluff, Group chat, Matchmaking, Multi, slightly cracky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 10:09:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21014054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Awesome_Sauce432/pseuds/Awesome_Sauce432
Summary: Beau, Yasha and Jester are in love, but none of them are about to admit it anytime soon.Fjord decides he isn't going to survive too much longer if things don't change, so he enlists the rest of the Mighty Nein to help him figure out a way to get the three of them together.A plan is made. Simply trick them to go on a date.





	Matchmaking

**Author's Note:**

> Chat Names:
> 
> pip pip yeehaw: Fjord (because british cowboy geddit)  
pta mom of your nightmares: Nott  
:catsmile:: Caleb  
actual infant: Molly  
Caddyshack: Caduceus

**pip pip yeehaw ** _created_ ** help **

**pip pip yeehaw ** _has added_ ** :catsmile:, actual infant, Caddyshack ** _and_ ** pta mom of your nightmares ** _to the chat _

**pip pip yeehaw: **Guys I’m having a crisis

**pta mom of your nightmares: **??????

**actual infant: **fjord its fuking 3am what are you doing

**pip pip yeehaw: **I don’t have time for your stupid timezones molly im actually gonna LOSE IT

**:catsmile:: **Has something happened?

**pip pip yeehaw: **its the girls

**pta mom of your nightmares: **Excuusussseee me/???

**pip pip yeehaw: **the girls BESIDES YOU NOTT

**Caddyshack: **are you alright fjord?

**pip pip yeehaw: **LOOK OK so you KNOW how beau jes and yash all have massive stupid crushes on each other

**:catsmile:: **Yes.

**actual infant: **ya

**Caddyshack: **yes

**pta mom of your nightmares: **????

**pip pip yeehaw: **jeez nott do you even have eyes

**pip pip yeehaw: **ANYWAY its going to actually drive me insane I can’t stand this any longer I can’t even have BREAKFAST without beau and jester making eyes at each other and then an hour later one of them will come find me like “oooh she’ll never notice me and yasha will never realise how I feel and I can never tell them because im too badass for emotions or what if she doesn’t feel the same way im going to die alone”

**:catsmile:: **That seems extreme.

**pip pip yeehaw: **it’s really not that far from reality

**actual infant: **yasha _does _send me lots of texts and pictures about cute things beau and jester have done

**:catsmile::** is that unusual for her?

**actual infant: **let’s put it this way. I once received no less than _five _texts in an hour about one of beau’s wrestling matches, but she knew caduceus for three months before ever mentioning him to me.

**pta mom of your nightmares: **I don’t get it what’s the point here

**pip pip yeehaw: **the POINT is that if these women don’t figure out their feelings for each other soon I may spontaneously combust

**pta mom of your nightmares: **wouldn’t be much of a loss

**pip pip yeehaw: **one of these days ill kill you and the jury will declare it justified

**Caddyshack: **Why don’t you just tell them their feelings are mutual?

**pip pip yeehaw: **because I promised BOTH of them to keep the secret when they individually confessed to ME and I dont want to get m u r d e r e d

**pip pip yeehaw: **NOTT I SEE YOU TYPING

**pta mom of your nightmares: **I don’t know what you’re talking about (:

**:catsmile:: **Well that’s rather unwise of you Fjord.

**pip pip yeehaw: **forgive me for thinking that three women would have more than one braincell to rub together when it comes to realising they’ve all got feelings for each other

**:catsmile:: **You brought this upon yourself.

**actual infant: **well I do enjoy having fjord as a friend so what should we do about it?

**Caddyshack: **Is there a way we can convince them to confess their feelings to each other?

**pip pip yeehaw: **not a chance, I’ve been trying that for three weeks and neither beau nor jester will budge. They’re both absolutely convinced that a) Yasha isn’t looking for a relationship and b) their friendship with the other could maybe possibly tiny-chance be totally and utterly ruined beyond repair if they say anything and they don’t want to risk it

**actual infant: **and I know yasha won’t make a first move, she’s too cautious unless she knows for certain the others have feelings for her

**:catsmile:: **… which they won’t admit unless they think _Yasha _has feelings for them.

**pip pip yeehaw: **are you seeing my problem????

**pta mom of your nightmares:** SO the solution is simple!!! We just have to trick them

**:catsmile:: **What kind of trick?

**pta mom of your nightmares: **a classic bait-and-switch!! Make them THINK they’re going to a fun friendly outing with all of us and then SURPRISE it’s a THREE WAY DATE BETWEEN JUST THEM so THEY all think one of the others set it up as a way to confess so THEYLL feel safe to confess themselves while we watch from a safe distance and take pictures for blackmail purposes later

**actual infant: **nott ur a genius

**pta mom of your nightmares: **i know

**pip pip yeehaw: **I don’t know. They’re so oblivious they may aggressively try to pretend its not a date

**:catsmile:: **We will have to try to make it as romantic as possible.

**actual infant: **we’ve got plenty of time to come up with a plan!!!! it’ll be great!!!!

**Caddyshack: **It would be nice to help them get together. For their sakes and ours.

**pta mom of your nightmares: **LETS MAKE IT HAPPEN FUCKERS

**pta mom of your nightmares ** _has changed the chat name to_ ** Operation BASHTER**

* * *

Beau stretched her arms over her head once she got out of Fjord’s car, scratching the back of her head and looking up at the mostly cloudless sky. “Why exactly did Nott pick the most isolated park in the entire city to have this picnic?”

Fjord mumbled something indistinct and shrugged his shoulders, avoiding her eye contact in a way that made her immediately suspicious. Coming around the other side of the car, Jester seemed far less concerned, swinging a picnic basket by her side.

“I like it! It means we can be way louder and not have to worry about random people.” She said, smiling.

“Alright then.” At least it was still a nice park.

“I’ll catch up with you two, I’m… just gonna check something with the car.” Fjord said, pointing vaguely at the hood of the car.

Raising one eyebrow, Beau looked pointedly at the car. “Is something wrong with it?”

“Uh, no, at least, not yet. I just want to check some things over to make _sure _they’re alright.” There was a short pause. “You know what a hunk of junk this car is.”

Beau opened her mouth to further question him before looking over her shoulder to see Jester already walking away. Fine, whatever, if Fjord wanted to be weird that was his prerogative. “Knock yourself out, I guess.” She shrugged before turning around to follow her friend.

She jogged to catch up with Jester, who flashed her a brilliant (beautiful) smile as they navigated around the plants that separated the road from the actual park.

“I hope one of the others brought blankets to sit on,” Jester said, looking down at her basket.

“I’m sure _someone _will have thought of one,” Beau said, already making her plan of attack in her head to make sure she ended up sitting in-between Yasha and Jester. Jester would be easy, but Yasha might require some finessing.

Then she’d spend the entire picnic internally dying every time one of them looked at her but fuck it, it’d be worth it.

Jester hummed to herself, pulling out her phone to text the others to see where they were. “Everyone else says they’re on their way.”

“They’re not already there? Sweet, we get the first pick of the best spot.” Beau smirked and Jester giggled, tucking her phone away.

They rounded another corner, finally finding themselves in the actual park. It wasn’t very big, but it was nice and secluded, and Beau didn’t see anyone else around.

She did, however, see a strange little setup in the middle of the park. Curious, she pointed it out to Jester and both of them approached, but no one magically appeared to tell them it belonged to them.

When they got to the spot, it turned out to be another picnic setup but… an odd one. The picnic blanket was large and tartan patterned, with… were those rose petals? Rose petals scattered both on the blanket and on the grass around it. And glitter. Someone had dropped glitter over it. And _candles_. There were lit candles just sitting on the blanket, entirely unattended.

Beau looked around again, but there was absolutely no one. Just a stupidly romantic picnic setup with no food or anything else.

Then she looked at Jester, suddenly realised she was blushing like there was no tomorrow. And staring at her. Then down at the setup. Then back at her.

Oh. Oh no.

“Ooooh-” Before she could begin to dig a very, very deep hole of denial there was the sound of footsteps.

It was Yasha, carrying a small basket of her own. Of course it was. Of _course _it was.

“Hello. I- uh…” Yasha noticed the set-up and stared at it for a few moments, before looking up at them. Oh god, now Yasha was blushing. Fuck, was Beau blushing? _Fuck- _

“Hi, Yasha!” Jester sounded flustered, holding up her picnic basket. “I thought you were coming with Caleb and Nott?”

“I did. They were-” Yasha looked over her shoulder, only to see no one there. “-right behind me.”

There was a long silence.

“Did… did you two set this up?” Yasha asked hesitantly.

“No!” Both Beau and Jester said immediately, before looking at each other, then immediately looking away.

Another silence passed, and Beau was convinced she was going to explode, her heart running a couple hundred miles an hour. This was a joke. This was a shitty, shitty joke and she _knew _she never should have told Fjord anything but she did and now this was her punishment. “I’m going to _kill _Fjord.”

“You think Fjord did this?” Jester said, her voice cracking ever so slightly. Beau couldn’t imagine _why_, unless she thought this was some kind of prank on her.

Which it couldn’t be, because the only one who would be utterly humiliated by this was Beau, who had awful, terrible, incredible crushes on both Jester and Yasha. For them, this was just an awkward situation at best.

“Wait…” She began, and both of the other women looked up at her, confusion and embarrassment in their eyes. “This… this is a trick. The others set this up.”

“Why would they do that?” Jester spoke frantically, pulling at some of her hair.

“It’s set up like a romantic date of some kind,” Yasha said slowly, crouching down and picking up some of the rose petals with a nervous frown on her face.

“Omigosh.” Jester covered her face with her hands, her basket sliding down to hang at her elbow. “I can’t believe this, I’m so sorry!”

“What did you do?” Yasha asked while Beau glared around at the bushes, looking for any sign of Fjord or the others hiding and watching. She didn’t see anything, but that didn’t mean they weren’t there.

“This is all _my _fault I’m so sorry you got caught up in this-”

“Woah, Jes, calm down,” Beau said, putting a solid hand on Jester’s shoulder before she could get herself any more flustered. “This isn’t because of you, it’s probably for me.”

Jester shot her a disbelieving look, and Beau suddenly thought through what she’d actually said. “Wait, why do you think it’s for you?” 

Jester’s face went tight, the blushing of her cheeks only becoming more pronounced. She buried her face in her hands again, speaking seemingly as quickly as she possibly could. “BecauseIhaveamassivecrushonyouboth!”

Beau blinked. Yasha blinked. Jester stayed standing there, the fingers on one of her hands separating ever so slightly so Beau could see just a little bit of one eye peeking through.

Sometimes, Beau could be eloquent. Really, she could.

This was not one of those times.

“No, that can’t be right.”

Jester’s hands dropped to her hips. “What?”

Yasha seemed to slowly processing all of this, looking intently at Jester. “You… have a crush on Beau…” She pointed at Beau, as if just to make sure it was _this _Beau and not some other random stranger hiding behind a corner, before pointing at herself. “And… me?”

“Yes! Both of you!” Jester covered her mouth like she couldn’t believe she’d said it, squeezing her eyes tight before opening them again. “Omigosh I love both of you! So much!”

Okay, this had to be a dream. After surreptitiously pinching her arm and finding herself still standing there, Beau’s brain promptly melted down.

“Oh my god. Oh my _god._”

“So yeah! I told Fjord about it so he probably decided to pull this prank and I’m going to totally kill him later but I’m so sorry! You can just forget I ever said anything!” Jester said, her voice slightly muffled behind her hands.

Yasha stepped forward, hesitating before carefully peeling Jester’s hands away from her mouth, her cheeks tinged pink. Jester tensed up, her eyes wide as Yasha spoke, “No, I don’t want to forget.”

“Really?” Jester’s voice was practically a squeak, and Yasha nodded, one corner of her mouth curling up.

“No, I-” She paused, before pressing on. “I love you too. You and Beau, both, in the same way. I… I have for a while.”

A beat passed, and Beau was pretty sure that if her brain was broken before it was nothing but atoms by now. No, this was fake. A stupidly elaborate and extremely cruel prank. There was _no fucking way _that not only did both her crushes like her, but they also liked each other? The world wasn’t that perfect.

But then both of them looked up at her with wide eyes filled with genuine shock and amazement and a little bit of hope, and she knew it was real. Her legs felt like jelly, and her mouth opened and closed like an absolute idiot but somehow they seemed to understand anyway.

“Yeah.” She finally managed to breathe out. “You two are basically the most amazing women I’ve ever met _ever_.”

Jester burst into giddy, breathless laughter, reaching out for Beau’s wrist and pulling her in, looping the hand around her waist, her touch soft and a little tighter than it had ever been before, like an inhibition had been lifted. One of Yasha’s arms wrapped around her shoulders, strong and steady and tucking her in close.

Beau could smell the sweet lilacs and roses from Jester’s perfumes, and the scent of cut grass and rain that seemed to follow Yasha wherever she went, and she heard their disbelieving chuckles and she just couldn’t believe it was real.

It took a few moments before they took a step back and breathed deeply, the reality of it all truly sinking in. Beau still found herself in between the two of them, and for a little while they stood in silence.

She’d spent so long absolutely certain she’d never have an opportunity to confess her feelings that now that it had happened (and not at all in the way she’d imagined _it _would happen if it did) she had no idea how to proceed from here.

“What now?” Beau asked, looking at Jester and then Yasha, a giddy grin only growing wider with each passing moment. They loved her. They actually loved her back. Holy _fuck_.

“It would be a shame to let this go to waste.” Yasha said, gesturing to the picnic spread in front of them.

“Or…” There was something in Jester’s voice that made them both look at her, and when they did they saw the mischievous glint in her eye and Beau immediately knew that whatever was going to come out of her mouth next was going to be good. “We can give some payback to the others for tricking us.”

Beau grinned, looking to Yasha to get her approval before they huddled together, hashing out a very quick and simple plan.

* * *

**Operation BASHTER**   
****

_Chat Members:_ ** :catsmile:, actual infant, Caddyshack, pip pip yeehaw ** _and_ ** pta mom of your nightmares**

**actual infant: **WELL??? WELL???? I NEED DETAILS PEOPLE!?!?!?!?!

**:catsmile:: **They seem to be discussing something.

**actual infant: **Did they kiss yet???? Hug??? w h a ti sh a p p e n i n g

**pip pip yeehaw: **They hugged a little bit? But now they stopped

**pta mom of your nightmares: **fuck they’re moving THEYRE MOVING

**:catsmile:: **Oh dear.

**Caddyshack: **Have they seen you?

**actual infant: **arent you there cad????

**Caddyshack: **I’m at work. Tea waits for no romance, unfortunately.

**pip pip yeehaw: **we didn’t THINK they saw us but they’re MOVING

**pip pip yeehaw: **IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS FUCK

**actual infant: **SHIT maybe we needed more rose petals

**pta mom of your nightmares: **THEYRE GONE WHERE DID THEY GO F U C K

**:catsmile:: **It seems we were unsuccessful.

**:catsmile:: **But I don’t understand. Things seemed to be going relatively well, but then they just left, and they all went in different directions.

**actual infant: **Even beau and jester????

**:catsmile:: **Yes. It’s strange.

**pta mom of your nightmares: **I CANT BELEIVE THIS IT WAS PERFEC HOW DARE THEY RUIN THIS

**pip pip yeehaw: **my life will never know peace

**Caddyshack: **Perhaps they just need some time to cool off? It might have been a surprising revelation for them.

**pta mom of your nightmares: **THIS IS THE WORST

**actual infant: **I knew I should have flown over I can’t trust any of you with something like this

**:catsmile:: **It just doesn’t make sense.

**pip pip yeehaw: **well shit now what

**:catsmile:: **Perhaps we should go home before someone calls the police on the group of people hiding in bushes.

**pta mom of your nightmares: **the police can fuck off I’m in mourning

**actual infant: **mourning of WHAT

**pta mom of your nightmares: **my excellent romance plan like how did that not work it was Perfect

**Caddyshack: **Perhaps it did work.

**pta mom of your nightmares: **no it was a total failure just like fjord’s haircut

**pip pip yeehaw: **I can’t wait to make fun of you at your funeral

**pta mom of your nightmares: **bold of you to assume you’ll die before me

**:catsmile:: **Wait, Caduceus, what did you mean?

**actual infant: **do u know something we don’t???? Or is this another metaphor

**Caddyshack: **Oh it’s no metaphor. Beau, Jester and Yasha just met up at the ice cream shop across the street.

**pip pip yeehaw:**

**pta mom of your nightmares:**

**actual infant:**

**:catsmile::**

**Caddyshack: **

**pip pip yeehaw: **WELL????

**actual infant: **WHAT ARE THEY DOING????

**Caddyshack: **Currently, exchanging high fives. I don’t think they’ve realised I’m on shift today.

**pta mom of your nightmares: **oh my god

**Caddyshack: **They’ve gone inside now. They all seem very pleased, at least.

**actual infant: **oh my g o d

[3 minutes later]

**Caddyshack: **They’re sitting at a table outside now eating ice cream. Yasha brought out a bottle of wine from her picnic basket?

**:catsmile:: **Nott put that in there. For romance.

**actual infant: **excellent

[12 minutes later] 

**Caddyshack: **Okay now they’re all kissing in the alleyway next to the ice cream shop

**pta mom of your nightmares: **IM A FUCKING GENIUS

**pip pip yeehaw: **oh thank the gods

**Author's Note:**

> look
> 
> sjkdfgbskjdfhgbsugdhsjkdfghfg
> 
> when i first planned my other modern au it was originally gonna be bashter. eventually i made it just beaujester but some of the ideas i had for the bashter version were really cute and/or funny and i was like: fuck it i still wanna use these so HERE WE GO
> 
> sdufgsjfhdgsdjg 
> 
> also Molly is off in another continent for the purposes of this fic lmao 
> 
> I wrote most of this somewhere between the hours of 8pm and 5am soooooo


End file.
